The Challenge

A lot of my moments in solitude are often spent thinking about the mark I want to make in the world and the nagging incredible need to somehow make it a better place. Naturally being a Leo and slightly egotistical, I imagine doing something so grandiose that the knowledge of my Being when I die is right up there in the collective mind with say, The Beatles or Gandhi. However despite my best efforts (kind of) I am neither a rock star nor a saint. I think this is actually a common phenomenon among the members of our Sapien brethren otherwise there wouldn't be so many amazing people doing amazing things like, Mother Theresa, Malcolm X, Martin Luther - and Russell Brand. I think about where I am and who I am now and compared to them, I feel utterly deflated. Seriously what a lofty goal! These people in my view were and are trailblazers, impassioned, self-less and really really well-spoken. And I, I'm just well, average.

But then I got to thinking - I could make average work for me. So I wondered what is it I do best? I've already ruled out rock star and saint, two of the most towering goals to set for oneself so now it's time to get real. What I do best is talk. A lot. Oh, and Human. Yep. Human. I am REALLY good at being Human. As Alexander Pope said to "Err is human," and I'm excellent that that. I make mistakes, I say things I probably shouldn't, I don't do the things I probably should, and I'm just full of all of these things called, "flaws."

Like anyone else at times, I am brimming with insecurity and doubts about myself, my career, my relationships, and honestly, my path in life. I have a well constructed, 30-year-old programmed thought process that keeps me tethered to the nagging voice of uncertainty, inaction, and just plain laziness that is reinforced every time I don't take a chance, eat an extra cookie, talk myself out of unrolling my yoga mat or when  I confess a fear to my other half.

I think these are sentiments that the average human could agree on experiencing in life, but the funny thing is, we all think our particular brand of self-pity is special. Let me save you from years of teenage-y angst in your adult years. It's not. What I've known for a long time is that I cannot change my outside experience (or the world for that matter) until I change the experience I'm having with myself on the inside. So I'm proposing a challenge to myself to explore my innerscape and challenge my inner bully in order to live my best life. Part of that is starting this blog. I have always wanted to be writer. I never thought I was good enough. Of course that's silly because to be a writer is to write. Plain and simple, so that's what I'm going to do. And in this beautiful step forward I have realised that I don't have to change the world. I only need to change my world. To bring out the good in myself will inevitably bring out the good in the world and I can do that just by being average.

So in the wise words of Rumi: "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."